Watch this inspirational video

if you've come here from the dumball fundraising page for 2012 then watch this video to see the amazing attitude of the 22 year old guy who lost his life less than a year after taking part in the Dumball... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mLNRaxGn-A&feature=related and while you are at it, view this one too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAbDAXOk6bk

If you are here having seen the article in the paper then please do have a look around, the first piece starts right at the bottom! and then maybe support our efforts to raise funds this year by donating at www.raginghorn.co.uk

This one's for you son

Well, It's been a long time coming and today has been bittersweet in many ways but at last the Teenage Cancer Trust unit at the Royal Marsden is almost ready to admit teenagers for treatment, its an amazing unit and Adam gets to have a presence in a couple of places, (look closely in the purple band) I think he'd like that......

26 years ago

It's hard to believe that 26 years ago this morning we were experiencing the joy of holding a noisy, wrinkly pink thing in our arms, I was moved to tears by the experience, not least because his leisurely entrance to the world became a bit more hurried after a lengthy night for Pauline as the medical staff, who had previously been relaxed and casual, turned into a slick machine to make sure he got to meet us all safely.

As with every pair of new parents, we were enthralled by this new being and by the potential he had in front of him, having seen him grow into a typical teenager we were proud as any parents could be, the joy of all that went before came crashing to an end when he was diagnosed and through his illness as the spectre of possibility that he may leave us sooner than most became a real possibility.

And on days like today, the knowledge of what he was, coupled with the experience of seeing him become who he was, is marred by the reality of his passing and the wondering of what he might have become, today though is a day to celebrate his life, albeit too short for our liking; but its true to say that he was an old soul and he lived more in his 22 years than many do in a lifetime, he was inspirational to many and there are people whose lives he touched and whose lives are improve simply as a result of his being.

In order to try and celebrate, I had that annual visit to Clintons et al in order to find an appropriate card for his birthday, it seems that there is a card for every occassion and every relative and even pet! But sadly not yet one for a son who is no longer with us.

So I chose a card for a son who is with us, because in so many ways he is still with us, his image is visible in so many places, both public and private and his videos are still watched by people, we're as proud of him today as we have ever been and I know he will be having the biggest of bashes up there in the skies; Mr Horns' 21 + 5 will indeed be a biggie I'm sure! I'm not drinking at the moment as some training beckons but perhaps this evening, on a bench by the sea, a Corona may just find itself opened in honour of Mr Horn - 'The real one' x

A piece of Brighton is forever Mr Horns...

After much too long there is now a piece of Adams favourite place that is forever his... I think he'd have liked the view and on the day it was installed naturally it was raining and I went down to sit on it and eat some chips, normally there would loads of seagulls marauding for a chip.. on this occassion there was just one... with a busted left leg causing it to limp.... go figure .. love to all

test

this is a test

It's DUMBALL time again!

Well, its that time of year when a bunch of people pimp up some cars and drive them a bunch of miles to have fun and raise money in the process, this years trip is in memory of Adam and to raise funds for the TCT unit at the Royal Marsden in Sutton where Adam had his transplant.



you can donate at www.raginghorn.co.uk


It never hurts to rememeber why I do this and his words here http://www.jimmyteens.tv/2008/04/25/adam-horn/


remind me of what a fine young man he was and what a fantastic outlook on life he had.... so, Adam, this ones most definitely for you ... I love you son...........

Kilimanjaro Summit now looks like this

Well, the stickers need to be used! :-)

24 years young

A little after what would have been his 24th birthday I realise that the ‘normal’ that I thought may return sometime soon is in fact never going to return and that the life that exists at the moment is now the new ‘normal’

And, as I was swimming the lake at Windermere again on his birthday I was recalling some of the times we had with him; anyone reading this who met him will have their own memories and it is good sometimes to recall those times and smile, most times with him seemed to be good ones, save perhaps for the times during his illness that forced us to plumb the depths of despair so very often.)

Its at times like those that the missing becomes almost unbearable, the constant ache that sits in the heart and never seems to really fade, ‘it’ll get better with time’ people say but when the emotion hits it is as raw as it ever was. It’s true that it hits less often now but it’s still as powerful. When you truly feel that the only thing that will put things right is to have your kid back, then its hard to see how things can ever be improved.

Other events that occur in life that may be sad seem to open up the same boxes that relate to him and the emotions attached to his illness and his passing.

For various reasons I recently wanted to bugger off and do something and after a short search on the net for something to try and hit the experience fix that I seemed to need, I saw a trek to climb Kilimanjaro, I cogitated for some time and felt that all so common shall I shan’t I? feeling that seems to be recurrent since his passing and then I mentioned my indecision to Jackie who mailed me a list of reasons why I should go, at the bottom was a suggestion that I watch the end of his video where he says, ‘you should try everything, you never know you might have a good time’

So on Friday this week I leave at 6.30 pm for Kilimanjaro to see if I can make it to the top and perhaps leave something there for him, my right knee hasn’t properly recovered since the skydive and so my running has been curtailed thus meaning that I truly don’t feel fit for the trek but hey ever it seems that I now have two mountains to climb! And if I make it to the summit, I shall feel closer to him for a short while…. And maybe, I’ll have a good time J


Keeping his memory alive in any way possible is something that I try to do and having recently joined the appeal board for the Teenage Cancer Trust’s South East Appeal I have attended a couple of recent appeal launches and made a speech about him, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cth_Dy1-tnc I never thought I’d be able to speak in public about him but as with his funeral the strength seems to come from somewhere and for that I’m very grateful.

My reminder for Adam is a robin, and I am hearing so many stories from people who see robins at odd times or when they are thinking of him, it may be nonsense but there is some comfort to be had from thinking that he may still be around on another plane and kicking it every now and then……


Love to all


Colin

NEW VIDEO

Videos are like buses, you don’t see one for ages, then two come along at once!

Suzanne and Angela, who filmed the Dumball rally that Adam took part in during 2007 are both credited with giving us something that is of immense value in the film that was used in his Funeral, I am hugely grateful to them both, at the time of filming, no-one could have foreseen how important that footage would become as a legacy from him to the rest of us.

Suzanne is working on further footage to use to promote TCT and to raise awareness in the States and Angela has recently stitched together some footage taken of him in Brighton which, as many who have shared doughnuts and chips with him will know, was his favourite place.

This can be viewed via the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mLNRaxGn-A


As ever, the boy says it so much better than I ever could.......

Adam Update 8th January 2009 - one year on

It seems impossible that it's a year since we brought our angel home to let him leave us for the last time and end his battle to stay alive against all the massive odds that had been stacked up against him for so long. At 10 past Midnight on the 9th I hope to be lighting some Chinese lanterns and letting them rise to be close to the boy....

This past year has brought so much change and little time for proper reflection but when the emotions force themselves upon you then that’s the time you have to let them flow, and there is little that can be done to stop them anyway.

There is little that one can say that gives solace at this time and the saying, 'I don’t know how you must be feeling' is one that Pauline and I have heard more times than we care to mention, in fact, unless you have lost a child then you truly cant know how it feels. And I hope that anyone reading this who has children never, ever has to feel the way we have for the past few years, let alone this past year.

It is indeed impossible to imagine how life goes on, but go on it must, if only because he wouldn't want people to stop living normally, he would certainly want people to remember him, he told me that often on the occasions that we discussed the possibility of him dying ' I don’t want people to be sad dad, but boy do I want them to know I was here!' he would say.

As part of my small attempt to make sure people remember he was here, I was pleased to witness the final piece of work taking place in the small room on ward T13 at UCH where Adam was treated so brilliantly by the staff there. This room has had a makeover paid for by the kind donations from everyone who sent money for TCT at or for his funeral, the final piece was the wording that you can see on the wall, it is the wording that was on his tattoo (the one I didn’t want him to have!) and its literal translation is

'he, who flies by his own wings, to the skies, through difficulties'.

I think that sums the boy up and I know he would be pleased to have left his mark in such a way, his image is also on the entrance door to the room which is now available for use by teenagers and young adults on the ward to chill and have massage, alternative therapies and 'stuff, not visible in the photo is a new massage couch and other seating to make the room flexible and less hospital like, it has met with a good reaction from all who've used it thus far, my thanks to all who donated, its good to see something tangible for your money!

Simon Davies from TCT said something to me a good few months ago, he suggested that after the initial shock, we'd be waiting for life to return to normal, and that in fact, how life is now, is now normal we just have to get used to it. Wise words indeed.

I still hear his voice calling out in the middle of the night in the way he used to when he wanted something, but I rarely expect to see him on the sofa in the way that I did a few months ago, I guess that’s progress......... But there a massive piece of our lives missing that will never be returned so this new 'normal' is taking some getting used to, I feel motivated to make sure that I waste no time in getting on with life. He said himself, 'life is short and we don’t know what's round the corner so do as much as you can and try everything, you never know, you might have a wicked time'

So, if there is one thing I have learned from this experience it is to try and figure out the answer to one very simple question that I would ask each and every one of you.............What, exactly, are you waiting for?.........


Love to all

Christmas Day 2008

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."

There is little to laugh at when I think back to what we were doing last Christmas and yet I recall how much the boy enjoyed his short time with the family on Christmas day and how much pleasure was obvious in his eyes at simply being home and enjoying the simple pleasures that hundreds of pounds of hard earned money can buy by way of gadgets and things of a nonsensical nature....

This Chrismas day is a whole different ball game and one that Pauline and I shall be pleased to see the back of. I should like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has sent messages of support and I should also like to ask you join me in saying whatever kind of prayer is appropriate for you for those who have lost or are missing someone this Christmas, in particular to Paula and her family who are tragically having the kind of Christmas that we had last year, Sophie was a remarkable girl and I am certain that she will be kicking up some dust with Adam and bossing her dad around up there!..............

Peace, Health and prosperity to all for 2009

Love to All.

xxx

Adam would have liked this

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good.

What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...

let it be something good."

Coincidence - or the boys work?

read the previous entry first (the blog is in chronologic order)

SATURDAY 13TH SEPTEMBER 2008 ADAMS 21+2

Have you ever had a day or a period when, without planning, there seems to be a synchronicity that joins the events of the day into one fluid apparently spontaneous thread. (for instance I would not have been here in Windermere if Simon Davies from TCT hadn’t sent out his email about doing the event and, having forwarded it to numerous people to try and gain sponsorship, if Anisa hadn’t emailed back to point out the date of the event and suggest that it was something to do and if Jackie hadn’t decided to walk 90 miles and co-incidentally end up in Lake Windermere.)

I woke on his birthday at 5.50 am.

I had set an alarm for 07.30 as it’s customary in the B&B world that is the lake district, to be ready for breakfast sharp and on time and my host for the weekend, Mike, had decreed that breakfast would be at 08.30 (I am putting on weight but having had a huge dinner the night before, I needed to set my alarm to ensure that I took on calories to prepare me for the swim (honest guv!)

5.50? Well of course! 23 years ago at 5.50 the boy was making his first appearance in the world amid much screaming and yelling from his mum.

Having enjoyed the full English preceded by the bowl of fresh fruit (its slimming you know) I met with Jackie and Mick and, after the most creative of journeys (note to organisers of Great North Swim…1 road in, 1 road out, one boat that can carry 80 people an hour, and 2200 participants plus hangers on and spectators makes for a logistical challenge of epic proportions – will be improved next year I’m sure), We found ourselves in the lobby of a very fine hotel meeting Simon and Geraldine, Simon handed me a package that a kind soul who lost their child a while ago had sent for us, it contained 6 Chinese lanterns and, knowing that some friends had set some off in Thailand at midnight on new years eve for Adam I immediately determined that we should let them go on the lake at sunset ‘he would like that’ I thought.

Its odd; we all seem to do a lot of ‘he would like that, or would have liked that’ I guess it’s a good way of keeping his memory alive, I still talk about him a lot and engage in conversation with him about things.

The Great North Swim is a mile open water swim in Lake Windermere, the lake temperature as we all jumped in to ‘warm up’ for 10 minutes was 15.1 degrees. (Note to GNS organisers, WARM UP? 10 minutes in the water to get used to the temperature? ARE YOU MAD!!!)

Whilst treading water I spoke to a couple near me and we were all bemoaning the fact that it was overcast and cold, I announced with all authority that the sun would come out as we lined up for the start, naturally they looked at me like I was mad, ‘trust me’ I said, ‘I know it will’

I knew it would because, right since the day that we chose his grave and as we walked towards it the clouds parted and a beam of sunlight seemed to track across the cemetery and stop over the grave, every big event for Adam has had good weather or just at the appropriate moment the sun has come out.

We got out of the water and, as we stood on the start line, sure enough the clouds parted, the sun shone and we were bathed in the warmth of the sun, I looked at the couple, they looked at me (oddly). I smiled, they smiled back, I looked across the way at Jackie, she looked at me, then upward and smiled the same knowing smile as me…. And, as we entered the water, I felt that the sun would shine until the end of my race and then it would rain (I decided not to voice this feeling as the others would really think I was crazy!)

So, I swam, with a couple of hundred others in my wave, quicker than I imagined I would, but slower than pretty much everyone else, save for the woman who, as we got to the last buoy and turned for the shore, was behind me and said, ‘oh look here comes the rain’ … go figure!!!

There were other ‘coincidences’ during the day but suffice to say that by the time sunset came, Jackie, Mick and I were sitting on a couple of large rocks that were in the lake and as we watched the sun fall and the light fade I received a text from Pauline who was having a pretty rough day saying that she was driving but watching a beautiful full moon whilst driving, no sunset, just dark, clear sky and a full moon, with a ‘sad’ face.

We looked around us and marvelled at the fact that we had no moon at all, just a beautiful view

of the sunset over the lake, it got darker and we sat, absorbing the atmosphere, waiting for darkness before we lit the lanterns. There seemed a magical quality to the time there and suddenly, without warning, and fast enough that you could see if move, the fullest and brightest of moons emerged above the hillside to our left. Orange sky sunset to our right and full moon to our left.

As the hairs rose on the back of my neck I knew that Adam would have known how much that kind of night meant to me and how much I enjoy the spectacle of the displays mother nature often lays on for us all.

We lit the lanterns and were amazed at how high they soared and how great they looked as they glowed a flickering orange from the flame that gave them the life to rise and stay aloft.

I did my modern man thing and shed some tears as my mind was filled with thoughts of Adam and the pain deep into my soul that I can only liken to feeling like my insides have been torn out of my body rose, it was a mixture of the sadness of missing him and the feeling of closeness with him that was new to me.

Jackie and Mick quietly disappeared and left me alone on the rock, enjoying the solitude, feeling the atmosphere and watching the occasional bat fly low then skim down and snatch a midge or mosquito .

And there I sat, crying, missing, longing and wishing; feeling as if Adam had stage managed the whole day to ensure that I was there, by a series of co-incidences, on a rock over the water in the sunset feeling closer to him than on any day since he died….

As I left the rock I felt a calmness of mind and an enormous positivity, I took a call from a friend and was re-telling the events when I thought to myself that of course, having helped me in organising a few events, Adam would have wanted a big finale…..Just as a firework display started on the top of the hillside…. BANG ON SON!!

It was hard to leave the lake as I didn’t want the feelings to end… but having used endless calories I felt justified in indulging in a huge dinner again, before planning the next full breakfast (it’s only polite you know !)

And, the following morning, still full of the previous days events , I walked down to the lake to try and recapture some of the feeling as if by doing so, I would re-connect with Adam once more, but when I got there, there was no feeling, just a sense of having achieved some kind of mission.

The strange thing was that I didn’t realise I was on a mission before I got there and it was only after the event that I was able to reflect that perhaps I was always destined to go there and be there on that day and at that time. Thoe of you with a spiritual bent may understand it better thean I.

To all of the people near and far, who had a hand in me being there and experiencing something that was truly magical, you know who you are and I thank you from deep in my soul ,for you contributed to something priceless that I wouldn’t have missed for the world.

And maybe, just maybe, I should be thanking our beautiful son for knowing well what his dad needs nd finding the energy to move a few pieces of our lives around …

Love to all……

There are some photos on the blog at http://www.adamhornblog.blogpsot.com/

12 September 2008 - Lake Windermere

7.30 PM, FRIDAY 12 SEPTEMBER 2008

As I sit here on the shore of Lake Windermere, watching the gentlest of sunsets, the sky to my left is orange behind the clouds and to my right, simply clouds, I am reminded of what a difference there is between this evening and that which we had 23 years ago.

About this time I had taken Pauline into the hospital for what was to prove the evening before our son was born, it’s a long story and often told but after much screaming and yelling, around 5.50 in the morning he came noisily into this world,

Those of you reading this who have had children will understand why I fell in love with him at that moment and will know the feelings of pleasure after the long wait and the hoping and the worrying are over, the sense of relief that all is well and a healthy child is born, then, after the initial excitement dies down, there are feelings of potential and a life that has been created and is to be nurtured and protected and most of all, lived.

The years of nurturing and preparing ones child and developing them, in the best way you can, to be fully rounded people with a place and a contribution to make in society seem all the harder to fathom when ones child is taken so early, there have been so many hours spent searching for the reasons for this brutal cessation of the love affair we had with our son.

Of course, logic suggests that there is no point on such speculation as it has happened and there is damn all anyone can do to change that. But logic doesn’t always prevail these days and emotion seems to get the better of me so often. How much worse this time is for Pauline as a mother is something only another mother can know, there is a difference between mums and dad’s, there has to be, no matter how much a dad can love his child, a mother had that person grow inside her and begin to bond from the moment of conception.

Its darker here now and the contrast between the scene left and the scene right is more evident,

I feel similarly that the contrast to my life backwards and my life yet to come is huge, Adams presence in my life was so large that the gap he leaves seems impossible to fill, and yet, I know that it is indeed impossible to fill and it would not be right to fill it. Life for me, for us, has changed; and the notion of it returning to normal is misguided; for this is now normal and it is simply a case of readjustment…. Simply? Well, in truth, not simple at all, but unavoidable.

I feel more balanced when I am near water, he liked water and it is possible to feel him closer to me in peaceful moments such as this, although what the others walking past make of this guy sitting on a bench, crying and typing away on his lappie in the drizzle, I neither know nor care, the drizzle I can handle, but the damn midges are beginning to bug me. The prospect of an hour in the cold water of the lake tomorrow seems fine about now; this may well change by the time the swim comes of course!

Adam - 21+2 13 September 2008

On Saturday Adam would have been 23.

Those who have lost someone say that it is the anniversaries, particularly in the first year, that are the worst times. I guess it’s a good day to be busy.

In order to be busy, I am heading up to lake Windermere to swim a mile in the lake as part of the Great North Swim along with a couple of thousand other lunatics, it seems that the water temperature is around the 15-16 degrees… I checked yesterday and the aircondtioning in my car has a minimum temperature of 16 degrees!

My sis, Jackie has spent this week walking in the lake district to take part in a 90 mile trek to raise funds for TCT and there are others who are variously taking part in a number of other events such as swimming in the Thames and, in the case of some of his mates I’m sure, drinking a whole load of lager!

He said to me often, ‘dad, I don’t want people to be sad, but I do want them to know that I’ve been here and to remember me’ so I would say to everyone who still reads the updates, take a moment, close your eyes and remember the boy at some point during the day, he will be up there, kicking back and winding up a few angels I just know it!

And if anyone finds themselves in the premises of somewhere that sells alcoholic beverages, then the tradition we established on Dumball 2008 is great to uphold.. the first drink of the night is a toast to ‘the boy’

I know that Saturday night will involve a beer or two for me and I take this opportunity to raise my glass in advance and say ‘ thanks son… for brightening our lives and making us all smile so often’

Love to all.

Colin

I'll have a medium please

I had one of those regular, ‘Adam’ moments just now and, as I often do, took a while out to dwell on thoughts about him, I often sit and watch his video or re-read the writings on the blog, some days its comforting and some days not. Today not sadly, so I write this amid mountains of Kleenex and whilst watching a blurry screen through tears.

So many people that we meet use those time honoured words ‘I can’t imagine how you feel’ and in truth I guess that unless you are or have been in this club, you truly can’t imagine how it feels.

The grieving process is a weird one and the thoughts that prompt outbursts of emotion are manyfold, varied and unexpected at the best of times. In particular I am most vulnerable to tears when people are kind or giving praise.

I saw a medium yesterday, one that I’ve seen before and she got as close to convincing me that she was properly in touch with Adam as anyone ever has, I guess the thing about believing is that there comes a point where you have to either trust it or not, being someone who needs proof and evidence for anything that I am unsure about it is hard to convince me but when I asked how his leg was and she replied, ‘not sure if this means anything to you but he says its back’ I was as near convinced as I think I can be.

She also mentioned him holding an electric guitar, she said a blue one, and those of you who are young enough to be on facebook may have noticed that I recently added a photo to his tribute page that shows him holding an electric guitar, not a blue one, a yellow one but hey the communications from the other side aren’t by Vodafone you know. (that’s probably why they are so clear and the signal holds)

SO… for anyone who does believe, then Adam is apparently having a ball, in a place where you get everything you want, helping other children with their journey across the worlds, only experiencing pure love and none of the negativity of human emotion and is whole in body again and helping many of us from afar, he is also bashing me around the head for feeling guilty about him dying and he thinks I need a holiday!

The medium said that he told her about the unique (some might say sick) sense of humour that he and I shared and he says that that connection is still there.. She then said he is taller on the other side… anyone who has witnessed him and I standing back to back in front of a mirror arguing about who was the tallest might just see his personality coming out there! I am now waiting to see him on the other side and find a huge mirror!!!

I undoubtedly gained some comfort from the reading and if she is to be believed then he is an old soul with a cheeky smile and a great sense of humour and a compassion for his fellow man…

Yep .. that sounds like my boy…


Love to all

Colin

6 months on

On the eve of the 6 month anniversary of Adam leaving for his after party it seems almost impossible to recall those joyful moments in his life that filled us with so much pleasure, and coming to terms with the notion that he wont just be dragging himself out of his pit sometime soon and laying on the sofa asking for a cup of tea seems, at times, completely unbearable.

If I thought that I had plumbed the depths of human emotion whilst he was battling with his disease then boy was I wrong! It seems that every day can bring something, some apparently small reminder of what could have been, what should have been, what will never be… and the wishing and longing tears deep into ones very soul, then without any particular warning the tears can flow, my apologies to anyone who has been with me when this happens.

I’m not surprised anymore when I hear of people who have taken their own lives after a child has died for the almost constant pain and grief would be for most people a continual struggle and for those who may be of less stable stuff then not having to live with it would be a pretty good option.

But I think that you fall into one of two camps, either you’ll sink or you’ll swim… and I know that he would not want people to put their lives on hold or to sink, indeed he would rather that people prospered as a result of their learned knowledge from having known him. In his own words, ‘I don’t want people to be sad ..but I do want them to remember me!’

It is hard to make sense of the why’s and wherefores that surround the death of someone such as Adam, there are so many platitudes that people use and each one, whilst well meaning merely serves as a reminder of the enormity of the loss, At times I truly wish I had a faith as it might make more sense if I really genuinely believed their was a reason for all this.

And the question that remains is always the same one… Why? Why someone so genuinely and clearly ‘nice’? I have never met anyone who didn’t have good things to say about Adam and most people felt their lives were improved in some way by meeting him. So what logical reason is there that he would be taken when there is probably a list as long as your arm of people who are less deserving of their place in this world.

I was with someone about my age the other day who had never actually met him but said that she had watched his video on youtube again recently and having heard his words she had determined that she would make some changes to her life plans and actually do some of the things she had always planned to but never got round to…. And for a moment, for the most fleeting of moments I wondered if maybe, just maybe… that was the answer to the question…….

In his own words……

“it’s a cliché but life is short, You can kinda do anything if you set your mind to it………………..

All you can do is try your best…..and you might have a wicked time”

Love to all


Colin

The boy suggested....

Well, indirectly he suggested I guess.

You may know that Adam was open to the notion of what i refer to as 'flaky' things i.e. of a spiritual nature.

As he lay dying I spoke to him about making contact with him and I recently went to a medium who, amongst other things said that he was suggesting that i should carry on with my writing.

I used to keep a detailed diary of his treatment when he was first ill but i didn't when he relapsed, not sure why but i just didnt feel like it.

So, assuming ido this, my problem is... what to write about?

Answers on a postcard please or via the comments section, I did think that I might start a question and answer section and suggest that anyone ask any question on any subject and i'll answer it as honestly and as directly as I can.

Love to all


Colin

These words may have been written with the boy in mind!

If I can throw a single ray of light across the darkened pathway of another; if I can aid some soul to clearer sight of life and duty, and thus bless my brother; if I can wipe from any human cheek a tear, I shall not have lived my life in vain while here.

If I can guide some erring one to truth, inspire within his heart a sense of duty; if I can plant within my soul of rosy youth a sense of right, a love of truth and beauty; I shall not then have lived in vain while here.

If from my mind I banish doubt and fear, and keep my life attuned to love and kindness; if I can scatter light and hope and cheer, and help remove the curse of mental blindness; if I can make more joy, more hope, less pain, I shall not have lived and loved in vain.

If by life’s roadside I can plant a tree, beneath whose shade some wearied head may rest, thought I may never share its beauty, I shall yet be truly blest – though no one knows my name, nor drops a flower upon my grave, I shall not have lived in vain while here. - Anon

the 49th Day

There is a Buddhist ritual that takes place 49 days after a person has died, Claudia kindly undertook the ritual and sent the following Email by way of feedback.

Love to all

Colin

Subject: RE: 49 day blessing

I did the 49 day blessing for Adam all very buddhist smells & bells etc. & in the quiet reflective bit I felt quite real a connection with Adam, his source, soul, spark whatever you want to call it anyway he seemed to be curiously hanging about watching what I was doing listening to the bells & prayers of thanks for his life & for his future incarnations (if you believe in that sort of thing) I got a strong sense of him being really really happy joyful & free & so so grateful & full of love for you both & the rest of the family. That his life although short, truely was complete, a sense of he did what he had come to do. I then saw lots & lots of flashes of him laughing & of some very very funny moments in his life, I saw one a story he had told me about: at a fund-raising black tie dinner where he had met Fergie duchess of york, & on hearing her ask what she could do to help the teenage cancer trust he suggested quite loudly she could always get her tits out!

So by the end of the blessing ritual I was laughing & had a huge smile on my face! he certainly knew how to do that well!

lots of love to all

Claudia x